According to my mom, my Scottish step-father apparently used to say he was feeling ‘peely-wally’ when he was in a bit of a funk. I just checked the definition online and I’m wondering how Scottish he really was – it seems that ‘peely-wally’ refers to how someone looks – ‘pale and sickly in appearance’. Tootlepedal, you’ll have to set me straight on this one, but for now I’m using the stepfather definition.
Two days ago I was going to write this post on the general malaise I’ve been feeling lately, but my peely-wally prevented me from doing it. I’m on my 2nd cup of coffee this morning, so feel fortified enough to see it through.
I think that Covid is finally getting to me psychologically, which shouldn’t be a big surprise, but it is anyway. I’m the kind of person who has his head firmly in the future most of the time (or the past, the older I get), making plans for bike trips, paying off the mortgage, the occasional vacation, and bike tours of course. All this has been taken away from us for the moment, so I’m finding myself gazing at my navel a lot. Living in the present is not all it’s cracked up to be.
I am communicating with enough people to know that I’m not alone in this and I have friends who are losing their usual motivation when it comes to cycling. I’m doubtful that the Tour du Mont Blanc will even run this year, but I think this is not necessarily a bad thing because I’m not doing the work I need to do to survive it. I’m riding, and riding is never ‘bad’, but there’s an aspect that’s lacking now for the most part. I get many of my bright ideas when I’m riding, for example, but now when they come up I often have to put them aside because I know I can’t act on them.
In the ‘outer world’, everything is fine. I still have the job that pays that mortgage and the French government is keeping the cycling company afloat. I’m all too aware that I’m in a supremely privileged position simply by living where I am in the world, so I’m not complaining. This is just my statement of peely-wallyness .
How’s everyone else doing out there?