Assos: Not for the Everyman

I’ve had my Assos bibs for some time, and until recently the only problem I had with them was the wedgie they gave me after getting off the bike (bibs up your crack is not the most fly look out there), but recently I’ve been experiencing something new.

First, the bibs in question, with the preferred wearer.

assos man

Chikashi, is this you?

Notice the low cut of these bibs (mine are even further down, I think); handy for taking a discrete leak, but decidedly lacking the ‘girdle effect’ we all love so much about our lycra. I was giving a guided ride to some clients a week or so back and on my way out of the bathroom I noticed in the mirror a ‘roll’ that for the life of me I couldn’t hide. Yanking the bibs up risked pulling on some important bits lower down and I had long passed the point of being able to effectively ‘suck that gut in’.

Below is a close approximation of what my psyche saw in that mirror.

Capture

The cause for this roll is beside the point (one moment, I need to crack open another Leffe…); the fact is that Assos bibs must be avoided at all costs if you have extra lardon that you’d like to keep hidden from public eyes (and especially from cycling clients).  But I already own a pair, and if you’ve ever priced anything from Assos, you’ll understand that losing that roll will be less painful than not wearing them anymore.