Assos: Not for the Everyman

I’ve had my Assos bibs for some time, and until recently the only problem I had with them was the wedgie they gave me after getting off the bike (bibs up your crack is not the most fly look out there), but recently I’ve been experiencing something new.

First, the bibs in question, with the preferred wearer.

assos man

Chikashi, is this you?

Notice the low cut of these bibs (mine are even further down, I think); handy for taking a discrete leak, but decidedly lacking the ‘girdle effect’ we all love so much about our lycra. I was giving a guided ride to some clients a week or so back and on my way out of the bathroom I noticed in the mirror a ‘roll’ that for the life of me I couldn’t hide. Yanking the bibs up risked pulling on some important bits lower down and I had long passed the point of being able to effectively ‘suck that gut in’.

Below is a close approximation of what my psyche saw in that mirror.


The cause for this roll is beside the point (one moment, I need to crack open another Leffe…); the fact is that Assos bibs must be avoided at all costs if you have extra lardon that you’d like to keep hidden from public eyes (and especially from cycling clients).  But I already own a pair, and if you’ve ever priced anything from Assos, you’ll understand that losing that roll will be less painful than not wearing them anymore.

12 thoughts on “Assos: Not for the Everyman

  1. That is too funny Gerry! I feel your pain but since i can’t afford Assos i stick to mostly Pactimo’s which helps hide that so called Lardon. Thanks for rhe heads up!

  2. You’re very timely in your observations. I have a couple pair of Assos and I can relate to what you’re saying. However I needed a new jersey and when I saw the new Santini commemorative 100th Giro edition, Sardinian stages 1, 2 and 3 jersey, I just had to get it. If you haven’t been to Sardinia I highly recommend it. Beautiful beaches and the most incredible aquamarine waters you’ll ever see. Having spent my summer holidays there last year I just had to get the jersey. When I squeezed into my “Large” jersey every roll and ripple was clearly visible! Even my nipples bulged out for all to see and I can assure you they don’t bulge. Needless to say it made it on the next delivery back to Wiggle.

    • That’s a shame, Luc. You can always tape those nipples, though! I’ll get down to Sardinia at some point, but the list keeps growing here in Europe. It’s been a while since we hit a beach, however, so maybe I’ll pop that one up closer to the top of the list.

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